No sign of that world out here anyway..

Sonder & Descendant 

part two

All the thoughts that I never heard myself say, which once seemed so important and profound, that I did not have the presence of mind to write down, were actually only feelings that I was having, because when I try to recall them now, to say the words out loud, I find they are suddenly ungraspable and they are made of the same nebulous vocabulary of dreams, or drugs. I am an amnesiac grasping at photographs for proof and witness, but it is like the tightening grip on a handful of sand, "Look, here, this, see!" All the scattered pieces of a broken mirror have the same reflection looking back.

A backdrop panoramic montage of dramatic landscapes and an asphalt ribbon of a road that can only be measured in stops for gasoline and all the photographs seen but not taken. While the space between is strung out on a thread of cigarettes and coffee and medicated by this, that, or the other, if I'm lucky. Where the odometer counts my breaths in miles driven in an hour and the AC wheezes like a ventilator. This is my life support, this is my quarantine, and this is why I cannot seem to find the words to say out loud. I am accelerating and everything has so much distance between it and one point is so far from the next that I lose my way between them sometimes.

Crackling campfire in the Mojave desert, a carnival of coyotes out in the darkness, we are all just passing through this night together. I have pitched my tent on rocks and I will sleep on the ground and let dreams make the sense that I cannot. I will look at the maps and find out where I am going in the morning. Fuck the news, there is no sign of that world out here anyway and I haven't been near another soul in weeks.

It is here in the dark silence between bedrock and eternity where I feel the world forget that I am part of it and any light ever held for me in another's heart, go out. The memories of all the lives I held close and dear, finally run their own course too until they flicker then glitch into the past tense. Now I cannot guess a single thing about their lives, just as they cannot guess a single thing about my own and for the first time in my life I am truly alone. 

Both Sonder and Descendant are available to order from Bump Books.